Kind of bummed so I decided to turn to my trusty friend, the Internet. Hey, hello! My whole life I was always considered the "nice" one, the one that "doesn't start any drama", "the helper" (I know these titles because me and my lame friends would actually sit and give them out...oh, kids).

Now, I suppose I'm still that way. I always realize that no one ever appreciates my kindness but when I'm gone, because eventually I will be, they'll be pretty fucking sorry, and as fucked up as that statement sounds, I kind of can't wait for that day. I mean, I love the people I'm surrounded by and all but why the fuck can't they open their eyes a little more sometimes? See what I'm about? Geez, I know I sound like a high schooler who is unappreciative.

I'm not saying I'm some sort of place mat because if "any bitch ever crossed me" and I genuinely felt offended I'd go "Icebreaker" on her ass. Okay, so I'm being a bit dramatic. I don't mean I would kill anyone or do anything to that nature (we're talking about ME, sweet Sasha!) but I'd definitely let her have a piece of my mind, but I'm allowed to!

I never get to be the "sad one" of the "one with the problems", it's like I'm forced to not have feelings. I never talk about my problems, I'm just not that girl. I'm sick of that shit. I'm excited to eventually move and one day and fleet like a fucking immigrant to a place where people actually show real emotions, real feelings. Even now, when I'm in the lowest part of my life I asked my "friends" one thing, "just be there for me". That's all. I asked them to help me not be in such a shitty sad place, help me laugh so hard that I cry tears of awesomeness instead of fear...I asked for too much. I know it's not there place for them to make me happy 24/7 but inst that kind of what a friend does. Picks you up when your down and shit? Correct me if I'm wrong. Seriously, do it. I know the whole "you can't rely on anyone" deal but I never wanted to believe it. I'm not saying one little fallout, that didn't even happen, means I'm going to completely change my mind on that statement, but I have to stop being so blind to it.

I don't know, I'm sure I'll regret posting this sooner than later but I'm okay with that. I sound like a huge immature baby cry. Whatever. I spoke too much, the ice cream man is outside, bye.